


in my defense, i have none

by bumblegremlin



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: AU where ronan and adam don't kiss in trk and don't get together, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, based off 'the 1' by taylor swift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25533877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumblegremlin/pseuds/bumblegremlin
Summary: Maybe Adam didn’t have any kind of defense for thinking that if Ronan wanted him he should have shown him better. He’d known that Ronan liked him. He hadn’t known if he’d liked him back, except that he did.He’d let it go.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	in my defense, i have none

**Author's Note:**

> did I just write a songfic in the year 2020? hopefully not. probably yes.
> 
> based on the line "I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though" from the 1.

Adam stood at the bus stop, waiting to go back to campus.

There was an essay calling for his attention at the library, but Gillian had wanted to stop at the little bookstore a few blocks over. She’d apparently had an urgent need for a new tell-all book that had been released. It was something that had much more to do with her area of interest than his, but Adam would probably be hearing about it from her for the foreseeable future anyway.

The sky above the two of them was gray and ominous. Adam wondered if they would make it all the way to their study spot without being rained on. He scanned the street, counting umbrellas, and missing the one he’d left in his bedroom that morning.

He caught sight of a familiar buzzed head.

Beside him, Gillian was talking about her book, but Adam wasn’t listening. Adam wasn’t paying attention to anything other than Ronan Lynch walking down the other side of the street.

_ Ronan? _

Almost immediately, Adam realized it wasn’t him. The buzzed head was the same, and the dark clothes, but the face was wrong. The way the man walked was wrong. Adam almost felt stupid for thinking it was him at all, because why would Ronan be in Cambridge in the first place? It had been so long since he’d seen him in person.

Carefully, he deflated the hope that had risen in his chest in that split second. It was just Adam’s mind playing tricks on him, making Ronan appear in strangers on the street just like he had in that shaved-headed Aglionby boy at the store years ago.

It didn’t stop Adam’s heart from beating quicker.

When the bus came, he was still absorbed in his thoughts.

Gillian must have accepted that he wasn’t paying any attention to her because she didn’t bother speaking to him as they rode. All it did was give him room to think about what he would have done if that  _ was  _ Ronan. He only ever visited when Gansey and Blue did. He responded to Adam’s texts and sent him stuff in the mail sometimes, so it wasn’t like they’d really  _ stopped _ being friends, but Adam couldn’t shake the feeling that they’d lost something.

He wished it had been Ronan. He missed being just the two of them together, a separate entity when Blue and Gansey weren’t there.

Adam had been surprised by how much he missed it when he came to Harvard. It was something that he hadn’t even realized he’d  _ had  _ until he lost it. Ronan at St. Agnes at night. Adam veering down a parking lot in a shopping cart. Quiet understanding and private jokes. Eyes that only looked at him. That first month at school, he’d been so homesick that he’d almost typed out a message telling Ronan to get in a car and come see him, but he didn’t.

He wondered what it would take to get Ronan to come to Cambridge. That one text might just do it. But Adam had a feeling it went further back than that.

He thought it had something to do with the night of Ronan’s birthday. They’d both been sitting there on Ronan’s bed and Adam had been holding that little toy car and Ronan had been looking at him like he’d been looking at him for months and Adam had been looking back like he’d been looking back for months. And then they’d gone downstairs.

And then Adam had moved away. 

Maybe Adam didn’t have any kind of defense for thinking that if Ronan wanted him he should have shown him better. He’d known that Ronan liked him. He hadn’t known if he’d liked him back, except that he did.

He’d let it go.

And now Adam had friends at Harvard. He was doing good. And in Adam’s mind Ronan was dreaming new worlds and making strides with his brothers and uncovering the mysteries and magic that made up Ronan Lynch. Adam wasn’t part of that, but he wasn’t a stranger either. They’d settled into the space left open for each other.

So they were friends.

But they’d been  _ something.  _ If one thing had been different, Adam thought that everything could be different right now.

If Adam had been a little braver, if he’d answered Ronan’s gestures and left nothing to doubt about what he wanted, he thought something would have come of it. They wouldn’t have walked away never knowing. The momentum pushing them towards new territory wouldn’t have lost direction. Adam would be able to call Ronan and not spend every silent moment in their conversation thinking about what they  _ hadn’t  _ said. 

They could be something.

Adam got off the bus with Gillian at the stop closest to the library, but he couldn’t think about his essay right now.

“Where are you going?” she shouted at him, but Adam was running across the yard, needing to find somewhere private. It was raining now, and he was getting soaked, but it didn’t matter that he was drenched when he finally fished out his phone and punched in Ronan’s number. 

He put the screen against his wet skin when it picked up.

“Adam?” Ronan said.

“I miss you,” Adam breathed into the phone. “Are you up for a drive?”

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on tumblr @thelynchbros


End file.
